ColdFusion Muse

Gateway Marks the Internet's End (film at 11:00)

Mark Kruger October 25, 2005 1:10 PM Humor and Life Comments (2)

I'm not a big fan of gateway computers. Ever Since my gateway laptop failed after 2 months use in 1999 I have always figured I'd be better off with a stone tablet and an abacus. Given a choice between a Gateway and a good poke in the eye with a sharp stick I'd take the poke. Well ok, I'd take the Gateway, but I'd look at the stick for a long time before deciding. Given my predisposition to despise their products (I'm sure they employ many wonderful people) the following item still makes me feel sorry for them - at least a little bit.

To see what I mean you have to open this link on "". In this case the news story isn't important. Instead, take a look in the lower right hand section of your screen. You will see a very cool flash data modeling application. Stories and Companies are organized on the screen and the distance from the "bulls eye" represents their relevance to the story on the page. You can click on stories or companies and it re-organizes the model with the new story or company at the center of the bullseye. In the words of Hugh Neutron - "You gotta admit that's pretty neat!" Here's where Gateway comes in. Click on "music", then "Apple Computer" then "Dell" then "IBM" and finally "Gateway".

As you can see Gateway is a dead end. Once you get to Gateway there doesn't seem to be anywhere to go. It's a Gateway to nowheresvill. There are a number of hypothesis regarding this phenomenon. Perhaps Gateway just doesn't relate to any other companies - sort of the Steve Urkel of the hardware world. Perhaps the server is an E-machine and it's programmed to stop here. Perhaps News Reporters are boycotting South Dakota because no one lives there after both of it's citizens died in 2004 in a tragic liposuction accident. My (admittedly pre-enlightenment) theory is that Gateway exists at the end of the Internet. When you finally reach Gateway all IP traffic as you know it becomes meaningless.

[addendum] I just realized that in writing this blog I've caused numerous ads for Gateway to appear in the side bar (ha). That's kind of funny. Goes to show - there is no such thing as "bad press" ... only "no press".

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  • Bill Rawlinson's Gravatar
    Posted By
    Bill Rawlinson | 10/25/05 11:40 AM
    That is pretty neat; but unfortunately I discovered your final result isn't entirely accurate.

    After the gateway icon appears all by it's lonesome I somehow had focus on it.. and hit shift+tab and Hewlett-Packard was hidden behind it.
  • Mark's Gravatar
    Posted By
    Mark | 10/25/05 12:06 PM
    Ah... shift-tab. So that is the secret (ha). I like this application but it's a little goofy and has a few kinks in it. I got hung up in a couple places just clicking around. Still - a nice visuallization.