ColdFusion Muse

Vote "Maybe" on Prop 111

Mark Kruger November 6, 2006 9:04 PM Humor and Life Comments (0)

If you have to decide on one proposition this election day, I urge you... I implore you... do not vote YES on prop 111. Also, do not vote no either. Vote maybe. This clip, Candy for Children is one of the funniest satires I've heard this election season. At this point I'd rather be bitten by a Laplander than hear another political ad. NOTE: You will have to listen through the intro to get to the funny stuff.

  • Share:

My Son Matt is a Huge M & M

Mark Kruger October 31, 2006 7:12 PM Humor and Life Comments (1)

This is my son Matt in his costume. He's in 6th grade and according to the Muse tradition this will be his last year tricker treating. His Mom, who professes to love to sew until about half way through the costume then wonders what she has gotten herself into, made this wonderful red M & M costume for him. He visited both the High School and Jr. High with his siblings and he was the toast of the hallway. Hopefully he won't melt before we have a chance to get some real candy.

  • Share:

Clever and Deceptive Spamming Technique

Mark Kruger October 26, 2006 11:46 AM Humor and Life Comments (2)

In the past few weeks I've seen some spam that is cleverly disguised. It usually arrives addressed to someone else and CC'ed to a list of people (with me among the CCs). The intended recipient is usually someone with a corporate email address, often in the financial industry. The CC addresses are similar – perhaps all from that same investment company. In short, the message looks like an internal company memo. There is even a privacy and confidentiality statement at the bottom. The message I received this morning said "Good morning Cathy! The following LL commentaries are finalized. Thanks.". There were 2 word docs attached. After a bit of research and file scanning I opened them using a text reader. Each of them was a formatted press release touting analysis (internal company analysis) of a particular fund or stock.

The spammer wants me to think that somehow, my email got accidentally put into the CC address of an important internal company memo with insider information on an investment. That's definitely clever. There's no "buy now" sales pitch (which makes 90% of email readers yawn) and there's no flashy graphics.

The Spam Index

Someday I'm going to create a new kind of online index for spam. It could show the current and historical trends of spam messages. It could be broken down by sector and individual product. Of course the historical graph for Viagra and Cialis spam would have a sharply upward trend. I wonder if anyone would ever advertise canned meat using spam? The paradox just might alter the universe as we know it.

  • Share:

Closet Capers - In and Out

Mark Kruger October 24, 2006 12:26 PM Humor and Life Comments (3)

I have got to stop listening to sports radio. I'm becoming infected with cliche'itis. There are some phrases that are creeping into my language that I'm not happy about. Is it just me or are more and more people using the in and out cliché? Example: "While I am abstaining from donuts now, day in and day out I eat more donuts that a Post-Subway Jared." It also works with Years, "Year in and year out men have more chainsaw accidents." Sometimes (especially in sports) the "week" form is used as in "In hockey players make more trips to the dentist week in and week out than in any other sport."

Now I'm not sure what all this in and out stuff is about. Perhaps it's a carry over from our obsession with closets. In any case, someone needs to explain to me what it means? Here's my guess (using the "week" form of in and out):

  • This week and next - this is a strong candidate. The phrase could mean "the week I'm in" (week in) followed by "the next week" (week out) with "in perpetuity" implied. At least that is how it seems to be used.
  • On Average - This is also a strong candidate based on usage. In the example above you could say "on average" in place of the "in/out" clause. Example, "men have more chainsaw accidents on average each year." The problem is that there is no real correlation. I understand what is meant - but I'm not really sure how I came to that conclusion based on "in and out".
  • Indecision - Perhaps it represents the indecision and lack of commitment on the part of the speaker. Are they in or out - we don't know.
In any case it's a safe bet that up and down the lineup on any given day the boys will go out there and play their game, giving 110 percent. And after all, isn't that what we expect week in and week out?

  • Share:

This Just In - Trackbacks Officially Worthless (Film at 11:00)

Mark Kruger September 18, 2006 4:25 PM Humor and Life Comments (2)

I've disabled trackbacks on Coldfusion Muse. Currently I have more than 300 trackbacks waiting approval - none of them legitimate unless I write something about penis size, gambling, erectile dysfunction or how to pick up women. I mean that last one metaphorically - like in bars and places where singles hang out like the mall and... and... well, wherever they are - mostly sitting around waiting to meet me (if my in-box is to be believed). Obviously you can pick up women literally (at small to average size women) by lifting with your legs to save your back. For that matter, most women I know could manage to pick up an average size man.... Where was I? Oh yes - trackbacks. I disabled trackbacks on my blog. I hope that doesn't inconvenience any "live" people wanting to use them.

  • Share:

Staying Connected in the Great Outdoors

Mark Kruger June 28, 2006 8:32 PM Humor and Life Comments (0)

I always have such a great time on vacation. The weather is perfect - in the 70's during the day and 50's at night. The mosquitoes are low, the fish are biting and even the ducks are feeling gregarious as my son, Aaron, can testify.

Read More
  • Share:

Cedar Rapids Lodge and the Amazing Toilet

Mark Kruger June 26, 2006 6:18 PM Humor and Life Comments (2)

More about the toilet later, for now, hello from beautiful Cedar Rapids Lodge on Medicine Lake in Northern MN. My family and I have come here every year for the past 13 or 14 years to rest, relax and fish our brains out. Our kids have practically grown up on this camp ground and the owners, Pat and Steve Adler, are counted among the nicest people we know and they run a first rate resort. The lake is under fished and full of walleye, Northern, Crappie and hours of fun and enjoyment. Check out my son Mathew kicking up waves with his cooler than cool uncle Greg.

Now about those toilets.

Read More
  • Share:

True Fatherhood Vs. "Man-law"

Mark Kruger June 18, 2006 8:19 PM Humor and Life Comments (12)

Perhaps you've seen the latest commercial from Miller lite. A group of men sit in a glass enclosed room, each of them celebrities with a reputation for iconic masculinity. They sit around a table discussing the things that bother men. They try to come to some resolution and at the end they issue a "man law". Burt Reynolds plays the avuncular de facto leader of the group, but it also includes a pro-wrestler who is apparently transactionally obligated to tear off his shirt at a spot in the script that makes the least sense. I guess "Triple H" stands for 3 doses of "huh?" The spots also feature Jerome "The Bus" Bettis, 2 comedians known to be edgy (what - no Nathan Lane?), a rodeo cowboy, and an ancient, grizzled librarian recording things in a large leather bound book.

One of the men is unlikely to be recognized by most viewers, but you will notice that he is missing an arm. His name is Aaron Ralston. He's the rock climber who's arm was pinned under a boulder. To survive Mr. Ralston Cut off his own arm with a pocket knife in order to escape. If you define "manliness" as the ability to endure your own screams of abject horror then Ralston get's my vote... but I digress. You see, something is bothering me about this campaign. Something bothers me about the way our perceptions of masculinity are being assaulted by crass, buffoonish archetypes' of aggressive, mindless, scared-of-my-own-feelings men.

Read More
  • Share: